Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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