I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
