Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
