I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
