dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
