I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
