theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize