oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
