I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
