plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
as a side note pls kill me
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
