i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
