everyone is single if you try hard enough
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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