my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
