I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
