I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
