Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
