so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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