He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Who died my cat blue again?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
