Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
