i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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