This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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