Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
