I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
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