Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
