Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
