I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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