why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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