Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
We're too hungover to prance.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
