he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
