Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize