I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
