Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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