I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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