Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
My liver just had a heart attack.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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