the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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