idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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