unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
