would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
