This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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