hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
