She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
