Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
