You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
