my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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