I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
