lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
