You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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