fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
