kristin has been a bad kristin
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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