Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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