My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
