at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize