fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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