My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
