Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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