In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
