i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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