Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize