Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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