Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
