There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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