I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
