He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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