i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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